Ryan came home from school yesterday and asked my permission to fight one of his "friends". I, of course, said no.
It all started a couple of weeks ago when one of Ryan's friends claimed to have slept with his girlfriend. Ryan and another friend didn't believe him, so the kid told them to ask his girlfriend, so they did. The kid was lying, and got mad at Ryan (not the other friend) for asking the girlfriend.
Following me so far?
That night, there were a bunch of public wall posts put on my son's FB by this kid, called him a red neck mother f**ker, a**hole, and a whole bunch of other language that was ticking me off. So, I did what any mother would do (I think) and called the kid and left a message on his cell phone telling him to never use that language on my sons FB again or I would find a way to get in touch with his parents and let them know what he was doing.
I know kids will have disagreements, and I wasn't getting involved in all of that. I just don't like when kids use language on FB like that because Ryan is friends with his Grandparents and Aunts and stuff, and they don't need to see all that.
Now it has turned into this kid leaving threatening messages on Ryan's cell and on FB. (I had Ryan de-friend him, but he is still saying things about Ryan on other friends walls) Because the kid is threatening to "kick his a**" after school, Ryan went to the principal the other day about it, and they said they can't do anything because it's all on FB.
Are you freakin' kidding me? Then this morning, I got an email from Ryan (he's at school) telling me to check his messages on FB, and sure enough, the kid is telling some of Ryan's other friends that he is talking about them, when he's not, and now there is another kid threatening him.
I don't think fighting is the answer to anything. Ever. How do I get Ryan to understand this? How do i teach him it is better to ignore it all and be the better person?
Who said raising boys was easy????
18 comments:
He should speak with the counselor. A counselor might have a better suggestion on how to handle it. I would think if the school is mentioned than the school should be able to at least speak with the bullies. It sounds like a really sucky situation for Ryan and I'm sorry you and him are going through this.
Christy ~ from what I understand, unless the kid threatens him AT SCHOOL, the school will not get involved. I really want to talk to this kids parents, but the only number I have his the kids cell, and he won't pass along my message. We know where he lives, though, so if all of this doesn't stop soon, we may be making a visit to his house. I just don't want to make things worse for Ryan. The kid is already ticked that I left a message on his phone, and he called Ryan all kinds of names for "telling his mommy". Ug, why is this parenting thing so hard?
U can also call ur local police department. We had this same thing happen a while ago and learned the kids can be brought up on harassment charges and other things I can't remember right off hand. Have the police talk to Ryan as well. Sometimes they are more apt to believe and DO what the police say rather than what mom says. Haven't figured that one out yet. My 2 should be more scared of me than the cops;)
I would block him and report him to FB!! Ryan doesn't need this drama in his life. This will stop, I promise you! If the kid starts doing this crap at school, then I would get the principal and the counselors, police and the other family involved. Just have Ryan back off on FB and just act like nothing is happening. It will pass, at least I hope it does !!
Crystal ~ I have such an awesome relationship with my kids. I'm not bragging, I'm just saying. When all of this started, Ryan told me exactly what happened, even though he wasn't exactly innocent in all of this. He didn't do anything wrong, really, but he said something to the kid's girlfriend which made her mad at him, and things got worse from there. I really don't think anything will come of it, because these are boys I've known for a while. I just want the threats to stop. I also don't want Ryan to think he can't tell me these things. My issue is more to do with the school being unwilling to get involved.
I feel like I am rambling and not making sense...I have such a headache right now...I don't think I have a coherent thought in my head right now...ug.
Dawn ~ Ryan did de-friend the kid, and then the next day had a new friend request from him. I don't want to get FB involved just yet, but it's something to keep in mind. I know Ryan has defended himself, so he could get in trouble, too.
I am just hoping that all of this blows over soon.
We dealt with similar stuff when Nick was a little younger. He had a group of friends that turned against him and it got ugly. I tried going to the parents and no one wanted to get involved. Nick took the high road and refused to engage in anything physical but it was a rough road. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this.
Stacey ~ thankfully, Ryan came home today and said he talked things over with the one friend, and things are fine. The other kid, the one who started it all, is still texting threats to Ryan, but Ryan decided to ignore it all. He is going to take the high road, and I am so proud of him. I am hoping when the kid sees it no longer bothers him, he will quit.
I hear what ur saying and hopefully ur right and things will die down in a bit. The schools normally will not get involved unless this is happening on school property. Outside of that and dealing with the internet u can tell the school and they'll more than likely keep eyes on the kids but legally can't and won't do anything. Going thru FB might not do anything either. He's already blocked or deleted the kid and he won't be able to stop the crap talk that others do on other friends pages. I agree with Dawn that maybe if he just backs off FB for a bit it will die down and stop. If not, the loacl police would be the way to go. These kids don't realise that they are harassing, whether it be face to face, FB or thru texting and it's not just a slap on the wrist anymore if they get caught. At least not here in Texas, lol! Tell Ryan that ANY texts he gets from this punk not to erase them. He just might need them in the future if this punk wont stop. Sad but true..
Crystal ~ blogger keeps eating my comments, and it's pissing me off...this is the 3rd time I'm typing this...
Anyway, thanks for the advice! We have saved all the texts and FB messages, so if we ever need them, we will have them. I am really just hoping that all of this blows over now that Ryan is not letting it bother him.
I'm so sorry to hear that Ryan is having all these problems. I think if it keeps up you really need to talk to the parents. They need to know what their son is doing. It's very wrong. Did you try looking their number up on Anywho.com? That will only work if they have a house phone that is listed. Does either of the parents have a FB? If so maybe you could message them and ask for their number or give yours. Good luck, it's so hard when our kid's are hurting or being hurt.
Sorry your son is going through this. That is why I have been hesitant of even letting my kids on FB. Neither on of my kids are.
I thought schools could do more. Esp. with all the bullying going on in schools. Someone around here died because of "internet" bullying and I thought schools were getting stricter with it.
Hope you can get it all resolved soon!
Tammy ~ Junior and I discussed talking with the parents, and decided to wait a few more days. We know where the kid lives, so we can go to his house when the time comes. (I've never heard of Anywho.com...I'll have to check that out!) In talking with Ryan yesterday, he has decided to just let it all go, and show the kid that all of this isn't bothering him, and hopefully it will all stop. It's crazy that this all started because the boy was bragging about having sex with his girlfriend. When Ryan and another friend didn't believe him, the kid said, "go ask her", so they did. It wasn't true, so the girlfriend is pissed, and the kid is taking it out on Ryan. I think Ryan learned a valuable lesson about minding his own business, which is a good thing, but this kid is taking it too far. These are 14 year olds!
Sorry for the mini-rant. I am just hoping that today is a better day for Ryan.
Sue ~ my kids were allowed FB pages on the condition that I know there usernames and passwords, and that I can go on anytime I want and see what they are doing. They are only allowed to friend people they know, and if I find out they write anything even slightly offending anywhere, they will lose it all. They mostly play the games, but as Ryan (and Kasi) are getting older, it is becoming more about keeping in touch with friends. I think they are learning the value of "watching what you say" or in FB's case, "watching hat you write", because once it's on there, you can't take it back.
The school said they won't get involved until something happens on school grounds. (notice the "until") I would think they would stop things before they got that far, but whatever. If something happens to Ryan after he told them and they refuse to help, I'll sue them for everything they have. My son is supposed to be safe at school.
Sorry to you too for the mini-rant. I am just so frustrated by all of this. Hopefully, this kid will realize that Ryan doesn't care anymore, and move on.
Our kids are forced into so many situations these days when they have access to grown up things (facebook, texting, etc) and they're still just kids. Growing up is hard enough!! Sounds like your son has a good head on his shoulders and is handling everything well. Sometimes you just have to pray for the troubled child (the bully) and hope that his life straightens up and he doesn't feel the need to harass others. He's hurting over something and needs help.
siteseer ~ I agree. The "bully" was one of his best friend up until a week or so ago. I know deep down he's a good kid, he just needs to quit harassing my son.
I take back what I said. Yest. at dinner time totally out of the blue - my two kids said they wanted to make a profile on Facebook! Of course that was when it was totally down yest. - lol
Sue ~ with the privacy settings the have, I don't have a problem with my kids having profiles. Even my 8 year old has a page. I think it is just a matter of keeping an eye on things, and being able to trust your kids. Ryan could easily have hid all of this from me, but he didn't.
Post a Comment