Two ER Trips Later...

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed a small little pimple on my leg.  Fast forward a week, and I had several angry looking blisters.  They weren't painful, just annoying, because I couldn't shave my legs.  Then last Wednesday, the one you see in the picture above showed up.  At first, it was a little spot.  After about 24 hours, it started hurting.  Bad.  I showed my mom, who is a nurse, and she suggested I go to the ER, saying she thought it might be an infection of some sort.  Up until this point, I thought they were from sweating, because they were mostly on the backs of my thighs, and sitting in the van all day, I sweat there.

I put off going to the ER for a couple of days, but by Friday, the pain was bad enough that I went.  The doctor took one look at my legs and said I am fighting some type of infection, and put me on antibiotics.  He said if that blister up there was a little more "well formed" they would have cut it.

Um, no thanks.

After three doses of the antibiotic, I woke up this morning with a nasty rash on my upper legs.  I called my mom again, thinking I was having an allergic reaction to the antibiotics, since I am allergic to penicillin.  She said I needed to go back to the ER, so that's what I did.

Turns out, I have a pretty bad yeast infection.  I thought you only got those on your girly parts, but the doctor said you could get them anywhere.  He said it could be from the antibiotics or that my body is simply fighting the other infection so hard that I will pick up every other little thing.  Fun, right?

So he gave me a prescription cream and another type of pill, so now I am on three different medicines. He also suggested I take benedryl, which if you know me at all, you know how bad an idea that is.  I do not do well on medicines that cause drowsiness, so my mom gave me some children's benedryl, and I took a 1/4 tsp, and at this moment, I am fighting to stay awake.

I just hope that by the end of this week everything is cleared up and I am back to normal.

Strength

 

See those three faces right up there?  They are the reason I found my strength.

In a few days, it will be six months since the day my husband left.  Six months.  Some days it seems like only yesterday, but most days, it seems like eons ago.  I can not believe how much my life has changed since then.

If you read this blog before then, you know how much I depended on my husband.  I depended on so many people for so many things.  I always thought I was independent, but I wasn't.  Not even close.  I was 39 years old, and I had never lived on my own.  I never drove a car.  I worked, but only part time.  I was never responsible for my own finances.  I was overweight...hell, I was obese.  I lived my life inside the four walls of my home...and we had many homes over the 16 years I was married.  

The day my husband left, I fell apart.  Not because he was gone, but because I didn't know what I was going to do.  I remember calling my sister that day, and her coming over to get me.  She found me in a ball, on the floor, hysterical.  I just kept asking her "what am I going to do?".  How was I supposed to take care of my kids when I had no money coming in (other than child support), no car or license, no hope?  

A week or so later, I was determined to get my act together.  How could I not?  I got my permit, and learned to drive.  I applied for dozens of jobs.  I knew I had to find a cheaper place for the kids and I to live, and planned on moving in with my mom.  

My husband and I fought.  It was an adjustment figuring out how life was going to work from then on out, and we had a hard time agreeing on things.  I think, looking back, we both wanted the same things, we just didn't know how to get there.

Today, I can say that I am an independent single mom, and I have never been happier.  I love going to work every day.  I love having a place for the kids and I that I can afford on my own.  It would have been easier to go and live with my mom, but I wanted to stand on my own two feet.  I wanted to prove to everyone that I wasn't broken.  Sure, I have needed help from time to time.  I don't know what I would have done if my dad and his wife hadn't help me out with a car, and my mom has been my rock...someone I can talk to and vent to...who understands what I am going through.  I have realized that in order for me to be a good mom, I have to be happy.  I have to take care of myself.  I have learned that I am worth something.  I can be beautiful.  In fact, I have learned that I am beautiful, inside and out.  Sure, losing all this weight has helped with the outside view of myself, but I have also learned to be a better person on the inside.  I used to be so unhappy, and I think I let that make me distant from people.  I was unfriendly and self-conscience all the time.  I was afraid that someone would see past the guards I had put up, and I didn't think I could handle that.  Now, I am not afraid to show my feelings.  I am happy, and I think that shows.

So, in six more months I can get my divorce.  My husband and I have gotten to a place where we no longer fight.  It's not worth it.  He sees the kids as often as he wants, and he talks to them every single day.  We may not have been destined to stay together, but he is a good dad to our kids, and I really can't ask for more than that.  It's funny...there was never a question of us getting back together.  Neither of us wants that, and I think that makes it easier for us to be friends.  And I think that is exactly what we are right now. 

I still have things to work on...don't we all?  But, those faces up there give me the motivation to keep doing just that.  My therapist asked me once what made me decide to get my license and face my fear.  I told her I didn't have a choice.  She said I did have a choice, everyone has choices.  In my mind, I could have either let my kids down, or I could show them how strong I really am.

They are my world.  They are my strength.  And they are the reason I faced my fears and became the woman I am today.

My Sister Told Me I Was Pretty

 My sister is visiting from New Jersey this week, and I haven't seen her in over two years.  Not only can she not believe how big my kids have gotten, but she also thinks I look great.

And I do!  These past few months I have really been taking care of myself, which is something I haven't done in a long time.  When I with my husband, I let myself go.  I think a lot of people do when they are married.  I didn't care about my weight or my appearance, but now that I am single again, those things are kind of important to me.  I want to look my best when I leave for work every day, and that means I had to make a lot of changes.  I have started using a Body scrub instead of just soap in the shower.  I have been having my eyebrows and upper lip waxed.  Now that I have lost weight, I bought new clothes that actually fit me right, instead of the tents I used to wear hoping to hide my fat.

I wasn't fooling anyone with that, by the way.  I mean, I was a whale, and you can't hide that much blubber no matter how loose fitting your clothes are.

I have learned how to exfoliate and take care of my skin.  I wear makeup every day. I blow dry my hair instead of letting it air dry into a stringy mess. I have confidence now, and I think other people can see that.

I have changed my attitude, too.  I used to be so unhappy, which made me kind of unpleasant to be around.  Now that I have found happiness, it shows in everything I do.  I think I might have already mentioned this, but my boss told me a couple of weeks ago that I am the first employee he has ever had that his customers don't call and complain about.  In fact, several have called to brag on me, which is an absolutely wonderful feeling. 

One of these days I'll get around to posting an updated picture so you all can see how much I have changed. 

Life Is Good

I have a bad habit of stealing things off of other people's blogs, saving a draft in my posts, and then forgetting where I got it from.  This is one of those things.  I don't remember if the above is an award I'm supposed to pass along, or if it was just decoration.  I don't remember if someone asked me to do this, or if I just "stole" it.  If it was from you, give me a shout out, and I will totally give you credit.  If you want to steal it from me, that's okay too. :)  So, onward we go....

1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing it that way; if you are not anonymous do you wish you had started out anonymously so you could be anonymous now? 

I am about as non-anonymous as they come.  If I'm feeling it, it ends up on a blog.  Maybe not this one, but on one of them.  My journey tends to get the most personal, but I like to believe I am honest in everything I write.

2. Describe one incident that shows your inner stubborn side.

Oh my.  There are so many, I am sure, but none come to mind right now.  I'm sure if I asked Junior, he could rattle off a million examples. LOL!

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?

Beauty.  Seriously, I may be unhappy with my weight, but I know I am beautiful...on the inside as well as the outside.  Do I sound a little conceited?  Oh well.  It is what it is. :p

4. What is your favorite summer cold drink?

Diet sprite or ice cold water...either one suits me just fine.

5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?

I read, or watch a good movie.  Mostly reading, though.

6. Is there something you still want to accomplish in your life? What is it?

Eventually, I want to get over my fear of driving and go get my license. Will that actually ever happen?  Who knows.  Probably not.

7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the class shy person, or always ditching school?

I was the kid all the teachers put in charge when they left the room.  Every time.  I was quiet and shy, and still am.  Until I get to know you.  Then I never shut up.

8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what do you see?

Wow.  This is a tough one.  I guess I'd say the day Ryan was born.  Or, more specifically, the next morning, which was the first time I remember holding him.  I had always wanted nothing more in life than to be a mom, and he granted me that. (okay, I don't think that sentence makes sense, but you get the point)

9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people or events?

Again, I think I write from my heart, so it's easy to share myself.  I mean, most of you who have been reading this blog for any length of time know that I don't hold back.

10. If you had the choice to sit and read or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?

Read.  I HATE talking on the phone.  Seriously, there are days that my phone never rings, and that is fine by me.  In fact, there are many, many times when I will sit here and let it go to voicemail because I don't feel like talking.

So there you go.  A little bit more about me.

Where I Was Born

I have three sisters and one brother, and they were all born in New York, at the same hospital. I was born in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. My dad was in the Navy at the time, and stationed there. I don't think we lived there for very long after I was born, and I have no memory of it at all. I would love to one day go back and see what it's like. Junior is always talking about chasing tornadoes, so I don't think it would be too hard to convince him to go, as long as we stop off in Texas. I am sure while we are there he would want to meet with Dallas realtors, and then try to convince me to move there. He wants so badly to move away from South Carolina, but I don't want to move too far from my family. I agreed to think about moving to North Carolina, but I didn't make any promises. I like where we are now. I like the school district my kids are in. I love that my mom is only twenty minutes away, and I can see her whenever I want. Junior is going to have to but me a pretty amazing house to get me to consider moving.

Awwww....

Tammy from mom knows everything wrote the sweetest post today on her a little girl talk blog.

Wanna know why it's the sweetest?

Cause it's all about ME! lol!

I literally teared up reading it!

Go, check it out here.

4 Things About Me

4 Jobs I've Had...
McDonald's as a teenager
Edward's (grocery store) as a semi-adult
Hardees as a drifter ~ didn't know where I belonged
McDonald's again as a mom

4 Places I've Lived...
New York
South Carolina
North Carolina, briefly
South Carolina, again

4 Favorite Foods...
sesame chicken
taco salads
bbq chicken
egg rolls

4 Places I'd Rather Be...
fishing
swimming
sleeping
in a smaller bra

4 Movies I Can Watch Over and Over...
The Princess Bride
The 40 Year Old Virgin
13 going on 30
Twister

4 TV Shows I Like To Watch...
this is a tough one, as I watch many shows, but...
ER
Survivor
Ace of Cakes
House

4 Websites I Visit Daily...
Celebrity Baby Blog
A Lifetime of Love
Blessed By Faith
AOL homepage

4 Computers I've Owned...
one I got from my mom
this one I got from my brother
hopefully, a new one at tax time!

4 People To Tag
NicoleT
Anita
my sisters

All right, you've been tagged. Either do it on your site, or email it back to me!

Moments

Sometimes there are moments. Good moments, bad moments, a-ha moments. Today I had a few of those moments. I'll share the good moment first, cause it was a really great moment. One I will cherish forever.We were walking into Wal-Mart in the rain. Of course, there were no dry buggies. (for all you non-southerners, that's a shopping cart) I send Ryan to the other door to look for one, I look by the registers, and Junior takes the girls to find one along the front of the store. We all found one, so we ended up with two more than we needed. But that really has nothing to do with my story, so I'll move on. I hear Brandi say something to Junior, and the two of them take off on their own. I see them looking at cards. I walk on by. Later, they are in the bakery. I pretend I don't see. When we check out, Junior sends the kids to the fun center to play. I refuse to look at what they got, so he takes it to the kids, and I see them filling out the card. When we get in the car, they present me with a beautiful card thanking me for being "a very special mom". Then Boo gives me a brownie cake that says "we love you". It was all I could do not to cry. I asked what I did to deserve it, and she said it was because I am the "bestest, sweetest mom in the whole world!". Remind me NEVER to complain about my kids again.My bad moment happened in Wade's. We were eating, and I suddenly felt very sick. I was eating grilled cheese and fries. I didn't even finish half. We had to leave the restaurant because I was that sick. I started feeling better, and Del called so I went to work. We were there for a while when I started feeling not so well again. Only this time I was shaking as well. (Here's the A-Ha moment) I decided to check my blood sugar, since I had the free monitor in my bag. I check it, and it's 55. Yup, 55. I ate some froot loops, which was the only snack the kids had lkeft. When I got home I called mom and she said I probably have diabetes. What fun! I also recieved the "I'm worried about you, loose weight or die" speech. I know I need to lose weight. I'm not stupid. It's just not so easy for me. I don't know why. I know what I need to do, I just can't do it. I'm weak, I know. But anyway, I don't feel like getting into all that right now. I want to savor the bestest mom feeling!So I'm off to bed. I need to work at 9 in the morning and I'm beat. I'll be back tomorrow! Until then........

Getting To Know Me

I sent these out as an email as well, so I do expect to get them back!
1. Have you ever faked sick? Yes, when I needed a day off of work. Hasn't everyone?
2. What was the last lie you told? I don't lie. It's too easy to get caught in one.
3. Have you ever cried during a movie? Yes
4. Have you ever danced in the rain? No, but as a teenager I did walk home from work with a bunch of girlfriends at midnight in the middle of a storm.
5. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes, but nothing serious.
6. What is your full name? Jennifer Lynn
7. How old were you when you recieved your first kiss? 16, pathetic, I know.
8. Who was your first kiss? Chris aka Skippy
9. Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant it? No
10. What's your favorite childhood memory? Spending the summers with my favorite Aunt.
11. Do you believe in karma? yes
12. What are you afraid of? Loosing the people I love.
13. What is your greatest strength? I am a good listener, and contrary to popular opinion, I CAN keep a secret.
14. What is your greatest weekness? Food.
15. Do you get along with your family? My family, yes. My in-laws, sometimes. (except you Anita, you're my best bud)
16. Do you play any instruments? I played the viola in school. Don't know if I still could.
17. Have you ever broken a bone? NO, but I have sprained and bruised myself many times.
18. When's your birthday? Feb. 4
19. Do you make wishes on shooting stars? I don't think I've ever seen a shooting star, but probably would if I had the opportunity.
20. Have you ever mooned or flashed somebody? Unfortunately, yes.
21. Have you ever laughed so hard you peed your pants? Absolutely!
22. Would you ever have sex before marriage? I will be married 12 years on June 22. My son will be 12 on Nov. 6. You do the math!
23. Do you have a collection of anything? The last time I counted I had over 275 elephants.
24. Are you happy with the life you have? Without a doubt!

51 Random Facts - All About Me

This entry is just for fun. I hope you learn some things about me that you probably could have lived without knowing, but that you will find interesting none the less.
1. My favorite color is purple.
2. My favorite author is Dean Koontz. I highly recomend him. If you've never read anything by him, I would start with VELOCITY. I read the whole thing in less than one day.
3. I have to eat small foods (M&M's, fruit snacks, pretzels) in multiples of 2.
4. I compulsively count to 8 on my fingers. Ring. middle, pointer tapped on my thumb. I'm sure this is a sign of something, but I don't want to know!!
5. I am the only person in my house allowed to fold towels. Everyone else does it wrong.
6. I love playing games with my family.
7. I have HUGE knockers.
8. I HATE spiders-well, basically any bug!
9. I could live on chocolate and peanut butter.
10. I hate to shop.
11. I am shy.
12. I am very protective of my family.
13. I like to make people happy.
14. I believe that there can never be enough people who love my kids!
15. I don't like when people judge others by the way they look.
16. I have a dirty mouth (trying to work on that one).
17. My kids are compassionate and that makes me proud.
18. I am addicted to Roller Coaster Tycoon.
19. I my ipod.
20. I would love to have a baby with Keith Urban. (or at least have fun trying!!)
21. I give homemade gifts for Christmas every year, even to the kids.
22. I consider myself a good listener.
23. I am pretty crafty.
24. I love to mow my grass.
25. I collect elephants.
26. I love to rearrange my furniture.
27. I HATE Sanjaya. He creeps me out!
28. I think my children are beautiful.
29. I have the best siblings in the world. (is that better Tami?)
30. My husband would do anything for me. I would do most things for him as long as they don't gross me out, and I am easily grossed out.
31. I can crochet pretty much anything.
32. I could live in Wal-Mart.
33. I love cats, not so much a dog person.
34. All my cats have human names, except Cake. (she was named by my then 4 year old)
35. All three of my kids have blue eyes.
36. I love to read.
37. I can solve the Rubix Cube.
38. I sat 1st chair viola for 8 years in my school orchestra.
39. I pee when I'm tickled.
40. I used to get hives from eating too many tomatoes-and they say veggies are good for you! (I know, technically a fruit)
41. I used to Kirk Cameron.
42. I successfully quit smoking 5+ years ago. YEAH ME!!!
43. I am funny.
44. I am considered sarcastic-I just don't see it !
45. I do not have a job. I could say I do not work, but anyone with kids knows how untrue that is.
46. I love magnets. You should see my fridge!
47. I can keep my plants alive.
48. I only own a few pairs of shoes, and many pairs of flip flops.
49. I have tons of useless info stored in my brain.
50. I am a "middle" child.
51. I once ate cat poop. I must have thought it was a tootsie roll!
So that's it. If anyone reading has more, let me know and we'll add them on!!!

So Here We Go

So here we go. I haven't decided yet if I will share this with family, it might just be for myself and someday for my children to read. I'll start by saying that I live a really boring life, yet that is how I like it. I am 35 years old and I do not drive. Do not have my license. Never have. Probably never will. The thought of it just scares the bejeepers out of me. Enough said. I have been married since 1995 to a great man. We both have a kind of warped sense of humor and get along really well. We have three children together and sometimes our house gets a little crazy. We have been known to break out into a food fight or water fight on different occasions. The most memorable was on Easter a few years ago. Everyone knows what peeps are. Well my gang, my sisters, and my dad decided they make good weapons. I cleaned up marshmallow stains for weeks after that one! Anyway, my oldest child, Ryan, is also my only son. He was born on November 6, 1995. Now 11, he is heading into the teen years full swing. He was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade and takes Ritalin each day before school and on special occasions. I do not give it to him on the weekends, instead we deal with it and try to keep him active. My second child, Kasandra, was born May 14,1997. She is a beautiful girl full of compasion and love. She does great in school (mostly) and loves to read. My baby, Brandi Rose, was born December 4,2001. She is currently in 4K and is ROTTEN! I'm sure in future entries you will hear loads about her cause she cracks me up!!!!! So that's the rundown of the kids. I also have tons of nephews and a few neices. I am also known as the cat lady. Currently I have 16 cats. 5 live outside and 2 live inside. One of my outside cats has a litter of 4 that are now almost 6 weeks old. My inside cat just had a litter of 5 last weekend. They are all beautiful. If anyone reading this lives in the chesnee area, I am more than willing to part with any and all of the kittens. Okay. So now you know about my family and my cats. Maybe I should take a moment and tell you a little bit about myself. I am the second oldest of 5 children. We all have the same mother and father. We were the kids growing up whose parents actually stayed together. They did divorce when I was in my early twenties, so I can't blame ALL my crazyness on coming from a broken home. I love to read, and television is my friend. I am addicted to most reality shows, Survivor, Amazing Race, and AI are my favorites. I have watched ER from the beginning and will cry like a baby when they finally take it off the air. I met my husband on a blind date. We were married on June 22, 1995, exactly 6 months from the day we met. Our son was born 4 1/2 months later. Most people didn't think we would last a week, let alone almost twelve years. While my husband is a bit nuts, he works hard to support his family and we muddle through somehow. So that's it for my first ever blog entry. I hope to write every day, but who knows what will happen in this crazy life. So until next time.....