Need To Laugh?

I have a new favorite thing to do when I am bored.  I go online and read  funny autocorrets that people post from their phones.  Some of them are hysterical!  The best ones are between parents and their kids, especially when they were texted by mistake.  There was this one where some girl thought she was texting her boyfriend about sneaking over, but she accidentally texted the message to her mother.  Her mom's reaction was great!

I tend to find the ones that are dirty even funnier.  Yeah, I know.  I'm weird like that.  You want to know what I don't like?  People w post pictures of themselves on Facebook doing the duckface.  I have not seen one that looks even halfway nice. In fact, I think doing that face makes a person look stupid.  That's just my opinion, of course.  I would think that people would want pictures posted that make them look nice, not silly.  There are also the people who alter their pictures, and sometimes, it just doesn't work.  There are so many examples of Photoshop fails online you would think people would learn a thing or two.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I am all about playing around with a picture to make it look better, but not to change the way I look in it.  Did that just make sense?

Anyway, I think I got off on a little tangent there.  Sorry.  My point was, the next time you have some spare time, check out the autocorrects online, especially if you need a good laugh.

I Want This For My Car!

I was driving on Friday (surprise, right, since I spend my entire life driving these days) and I was behind this car at a red light that had the greatest sticker in it's window.  Check it out:

I love it!  I want one for my car.  The funny thing was, when I took the picture, I didn't realize the flash would go off.  The driver turned around and gave me the nastiest look, but I just smiled at her, waved, and went on my merry way.  It was great!

Out Of Brandi's Mouth

Last night, the girls and I were watching Biggest Loser.  At one point during the show, they show the contestants running on the treadmills.  Brandi turns to me and says,

"Treadmills are kinda like hamster wheels for humans, right?"

Yup, they sure are!

A Mouse In The House

Last Friday, Ryan had a friend come over early for his party.  This kid is really sweet, and he's funny.  So when we were sitting in the living room and he said he saw a mouse run from under my desk to under the bookshelf, I thought he was kidding.  He insisted that he really saw a mouse, but I didn't believe him.

Fast forward to Monday morning.  Junior calls me around 6am (which is weird) to tell me that when he was getting ready to go to work that morning, he saw a mouse in the house.  He said it was sitting on it's back legs (you know how mice sit...well, at least I see the hamsters do that pose) just staring at him.  he said he walked right up to it, and it didn't move at all.  It just stood there staring at him.

I asked if he shooed it out of the house, and he said no.  He went to work, leaving it sitting in my living room.  Am I the only one who thinks that was just plain wrong?  He justifies it by saying that the mouse looked really sweet.  Okay, whatever.  He's just lucky I haven't seen the little guy.  We went to the store Monday night to get a trap, but I want one that will catch him alive so that we can release him in the woods.  Unfortunately, those traps are more expensive than the snap traps, so we will have to wait until Friday to get one. 

Let's all just hope I don't run into the little guy before than.

What Do The Chinese Know?

We were eating at a Chinese restaurant recently, and on the table they had those paper placemats that have the Chinese Zodiac on them.  Of course the kids needed to know when Junior and I were born so they could read what it said about us.

I am a rat.  According to the menu, I am:

Ambitious yet honest.
Prone to spend freely. 
Seldom make lasting friendships. 
Most compatible with Dragons and Monkeys. 
Least compatible with Horses.

Do you want to guess what Junior is?

That's right.  He's a Horse.  According to the menu, he is:

Popular and attractive to the opposite sex.
Often ostentatious and impatient.
Needs people.
Marry a Tiger or a Dog early.
Never marry a Rat.

The kids thought this was hysterical!  I pointed out to them, though, that Junior and I have been together for almost 16 years, so the Chinese must be wrong.

At least they make good food.

The Swagger Wagon

This is really funny.  Make sure you watch with the sound on!

Funny

This is just funny.  I stole it from Just A Little Zizzy, who posted it a couple of weeks ago.  I think.  It really doesn't matter.  Enjoy it.  I know I did.

LOL!!!!

Check out what happens when I take Junior shopping:

We were in the Easter aisle, and Junior just had to try on this basket hat. I was shocked that he actually let me take his picture. The first words out of his mouth were,

"You better not blog about this!"

Yeah, okay honey.

A Little Funny

My sister called me last night to share a conversation she had with Carson, aka Mr. Cutie, night before last.

Colleen and Mike had a fire going in the fireplace for the first time, and they were explaining to Carson that it was hot, he can't touch it or he will burn himself, he had to be very careful around it....things like that.

A little while later he walked up to Colleen and asked her how he could get his arm into the fire.

Colleen told him that he can't get his arm in the fire, or it would get burned.

His reply:

"Kasi did".

This kid is too funny!

Three Men On A Hike

I got this in an email from my dad, and think it's pretty funny...

Three men were hiking through the forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed,

"God, please give me the strength to cross the river".

Poof...God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed,

"God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river".

Poof...God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs, and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed,

"God, please give me the strength, the tools, and the intelligence to cross the river".

Poof...He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards upstream, and walked across the bridge.

Ha! I love it!

Too Funny!

Missy made some funny pictures of her, sam, and alex at faceinhole.com. I thought they were great, so of course I had to go make some of my own. I let the kids pick who they wanted to be, and here are the results.

my little hannah montana

ashley tisdale

and I THINK this is my son, but who knows!

He is 13, and totally obsessed with boobs. I guess he wanted some of his own!

Too Funny!

I got this is an email from carrie, and thought it was too funny not to share.

Miscommunication
A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.
About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.
Attached i s what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to.........

One Fish, Two Fish...

We are having severe thunderstorms right now, and this is the third time I am trying to write. The power keeps flickering, and I keep loosing what I've written. If it happens again, I'll quit trying. You won't know that because this will all be gone, but I'm sure I'll be complaining about it tomorrow.Anyway, today we went on our weekly fishing trip. The funniest thing happened, and I was without my camera. Figures.For those of you who don't fish, everyone who does is after "THE BIG ONE". To catch the big one, you need to fish on the bottom of the lake, and not use a bobber. It's all about watching your rod, and feeling the fish. So I'm bottom fishing, and every time I cast out, BAM, I get a hit. I just couldn't hook the fish. Believe me when I say I tried really hard. I ended up extremely frustrated and stopped fishing. I was just sitting there, listening to my ipod, minding my own business. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Junior messing with my rod. He hands it back to me and it has two hooks on it. They are sharing one worm. He said I might catch one by doubling my chances. He thought he was being pretty funny. So I cast out. As soon as the worm hits the water, I get hit. I jerk the rod. Yes, I finally hooked a fish! I start to reel in. My line goes left, then right, then left again. I'm yelling, I finally got the big one! I finally get my line to shore. It's not a big one. It was two little ones. I had hooked a fish on each hook! Neither one was bigger than my palm, but fighting me and each other made them feel huge. I guess I didn't set the big fish record, but I'm sure there aren't many people who can catch two fish at one time!As for the rest of my day, I started cutting my grass. I didn't finish. Grumpy called and said his grass needed to be cut, so off we went, figuring two mowers would get it done faster. We still didn't get home til 3, then the kids swam for an hour. I did to. A little after 4 the storms started. The first passed so we went fishing. On the way home around 9, another storm started. Our power flicked a bunch of times. and poor Brandi was convinced she was going to die. But we survived.I need to be at work around 8 in the morning, so I guess I should go get some things together. I'll be back tomorrow, God willing.

51 Random Facts - All About Me

This entry is just for fun. I hope you learn some things about me that you probably could have lived without knowing, but that you will find interesting none the less.
1. My favorite color is purple.
2. My favorite author is Dean Koontz. I highly recomend him. If you've never read anything by him, I would start with VELOCITY. I read the whole thing in less than one day.
3. I have to eat small foods (M&M's, fruit snacks, pretzels) in multiples of 2.
4. I compulsively count to 8 on my fingers. Ring. middle, pointer tapped on my thumb. I'm sure this is a sign of something, but I don't want to know!!
5. I am the only person in my house allowed to fold towels. Everyone else does it wrong.
6. I love playing games with my family.
7. I have HUGE knockers.
8. I HATE spiders-well, basically any bug!
9. I could live on chocolate and peanut butter.
10. I hate to shop.
11. I am shy.
12. I am very protective of my family.
13. I like to make people happy.
14. I believe that there can never be enough people who love my kids!
15. I don't like when people judge others by the way they look.
16. I have a dirty mouth (trying to work on that one).
17. My kids are compassionate and that makes me proud.
18. I am addicted to Roller Coaster Tycoon.
19. I my ipod.
20. I would love to have a baby with Keith Urban. (or at least have fun trying!!)
21. I give homemade gifts for Christmas every year, even to the kids.
22. I consider myself a good listener.
23. I am pretty crafty.
24. I love to mow my grass.
25. I collect elephants.
26. I love to rearrange my furniture.
27. I HATE Sanjaya. He creeps me out!
28. I think my children are beautiful.
29. I have the best siblings in the world. (is that better Tami?)
30. My husband would do anything for me. I would do most things for him as long as they don't gross me out, and I am easily grossed out.
31. I can crochet pretty much anything.
32. I could live in Wal-Mart.
33. I love cats, not so much a dog person.
34. All my cats have human names, except Cake. (she was named by my then 4 year old)
35. All three of my kids have blue eyes.
36. I love to read.
37. I can solve the Rubix Cube.
38. I sat 1st chair viola for 8 years in my school orchestra.
39. I pee when I'm tickled.
40. I used to get hives from eating too many tomatoes-and they say veggies are good for you! (I know, technically a fruit)
41. I used to Kirk Cameron.
42. I successfully quit smoking 5+ years ago. YEAH ME!!!
43. I am funny.
44. I am considered sarcastic-I just don't see it !
45. I do not have a job. I could say I do not work, but anyone with kids knows how untrue that is.
46. I love magnets. You should see my fridge!
47. I can keep my plants alive.
48. I only own a few pairs of shoes, and many pairs of flip flops.
49. I have tons of useless info stored in my brain.
50. I am a "middle" child.
51. I once ate cat poop. I must have thought it was a tootsie roll!
So that's it. If anyone reading has more, let me know and we'll add them on!!!