I Choose Happiness

Brandi and I had a conversation the other day about happiness.  She woke up in a bad mood, and was cranky and crying about going to school. Her friends were fighting, and she didn't want to deal with that stress.  I sat her down and told her that every day she has a choice to make when she wakes up.  She can choose to let other people take away her happiness, or she can choose to be happy, and let that happiness filter to the people around her.I told her that every day, I choose to be happy.

Now, I'm not saying it's easy.  I have bad days just like everyone else, but for the most part, I choose to be happy.  I go to work every day with a smile on my face, and make the best of each day.  It probably helps that I love my job.  I'm not sitting in an office, dealing with the politics that comes with being surrounded by coworkers.  I get to be on the road, enjoying the sunshine (or rain, depending on the weather) and the constantly changing scenery.  I can stop pretty much whenever I want to take a short break (aka use the potty).  I could probably check out some Wilmington NC real estate if I was in that area.

My point is, I have learned how to create my own happiness.  I have walked away from the people who tried to take it away from me, and I am not one bit sorry.  I am hoping that by sharing my little secret with Brandi, and by setting a good example, I can show her how to find her own happiness.

I Like "It" Now!

I am a big girl.  Sure, I'm not as big as I used to be, but I still have some weight that I need to lose.  I am currently still shopping in the "plus size" section of stores, but I am actually okay with it, because the clothes I am buying fit properly.  When I was one hundred pounds heavier, even the plus sized clothes were too tight, and I was never comfortable.

It's kind of funny, because it has been a long time since I have enjoyed being with a man.  These days, though, I can't get enough of the guy I am seeing.  I am even thinking about buying some plus size lingerie to model for him. In the sixteen or so years I was with my ex, I never wore a single piece of lingerie, because I was never comfortable enough with my body.  I have heard that women enjoy sex more the older they get, and in my case, that's true.  If you had told me even a year ago that I would be looking at hanky panky panties and ahh bras and considering buying some, I would have thought you were crazy.

I think it has a lot to do with my breast reduction, too.  Big breasts are hard to fit into a bra, trust me.  Now that I have smaller breasts, I like wearing shirts that show off my new figure.  Bras fit me perfectly now, and it's a great feeling.

Some Christmas Pictures

Me and my kids.

My mom and my kids.

This is my favorite picture from Christmas...Brandi's face when she saw my mom had gotten her the bike she wanted!

Boo and her new bike.

Michael Masterson Can Show You How To Reach Your Goals

We all have things we need to work on in our lives.  Not one of us is perfect.  I know, that comes as a shock to some of you, because if you are like me, you really do think you are.

No, I'm kidding.  I know there are things I have to work on, the biggest one here lately is forgiveness.  A lot has changed in my life this past year, and most of it was not by my choice.  If you are a long time reader, you know that last February, my husband left.  When he walked out the door, he left me unemployed, without a drivers license, and basically, no hope for my future.  I can not tell you how thankful I was that I was already seeing a therapist, because without her, I do not know what I would have done. 

What I did was put on my big girl panties.  I got my license and a job within a few weeks, and I moved the kids and I to an apartment that I could afford on my own.  I learned how to support myself, and most importantly, how to depend on myself.  You see, I was dependent on other people all my life.  There was no reason for me to get my license because there was always someone to drive me where I needed to go.  Well, that I and my paralyzing fear of being behind the wheel.  I also didn't need to work, because even though we struggled financially, we made the decision for me to be home with my kids. 

I forgave my husband for leaving me.  A lot of people couldn't believe I did, but I knew right away that I couldn't live my life hating him.  I hate what he did to me, but I can't change it, so why let it consume me?  But, I am having a hard time forgiving the woman he left me for.  You see, she hasn't exactly been nice to my kids.  That is why I can't forgive her.  It's not the impact she had on my life that angers me but the impact she has on my kids lives. 

I found this video of Michael Masterson where he talks about achieving the goals, both professionally and personally, that you set for yourself.  You can even sign up for his Early To Rise program, which is an online email newsletter offering self help tips, online money making tips, goal setting, success secrets and healthier living advice.  I am going to sign up, because I need daily affirmations that I am doing the right things.  I want to be a success, not just professionally, but as a mom.  I also want to set a goal for the new year.  I know, you are rolling you eyes.  New Year's resolutions never last long, but I am going to try and forgive not just this particular woman, but all the people who have doubted me or negatively impacted my life this past year.  I have found happiness, and I don't want my unwillingness to forgive to get in the way of that. 

I love this new life I have created not just for myself, but for my kids as well. 

My Sister Told Me I Was Pretty

 My sister is visiting from New Jersey this week, and I haven't seen her in over two years.  Not only can she not believe how big my kids have gotten, but she also thinks I look great.

And I do!  These past few months I have really been taking care of myself, which is something I haven't done in a long time.  When I with my husband, I let myself go.  I think a lot of people do when they are married.  I didn't care about my weight or my appearance, but now that I am single again, those things are kind of important to me.  I want to look my best when I leave for work every day, and that means I had to make a lot of changes.  I have started using a Body scrub instead of just soap in the shower.  I have been having my eyebrows and upper lip waxed.  Now that I have lost weight, I bought new clothes that actually fit me right, instead of the tents I used to wear hoping to hide my fat.

I wasn't fooling anyone with that, by the way.  I mean, I was a whale, and you can't hide that much blubber no matter how loose fitting your clothes are.

I have learned how to exfoliate and take care of my skin.  I wear makeup every day. I blow dry my hair instead of letting it air dry into a stringy mess. I have confidence now, and I think other people can see that.

I have changed my attitude, too.  I used to be so unhappy, which made me kind of unpleasant to be around.  Now that I have found happiness, it shows in everything I do.  I think I might have already mentioned this, but my boss told me a couple of weeks ago that I am the first employee he has ever had that his customers don't call and complain about.  In fact, several have called to brag on me, which is an absolutely wonderful feeling. 

One of these days I'll get around to posting an updated picture so you all can see how much I have changed. 

Hey! How Are Ya? I'm Great!

Oh my goodness...where do I begin? 

I have been so busy, it's kind of insane.  I still love my job.  We are moving in two weeks, and my house is upside down as I am trying to get everything packed.  I am getting rid of a lot of stuff, and it feels wonderful decluttering my life.  I am such a hoarder.  I have been keeping things that I haven't used in years, and I am finally tired of lugging them from place to place. 

Oh, and I am down 79 pounds.  I can't believe it!  I am sure by the end of the week I will pass that 80 pound mark...this working is hard work.  I walk a lot, up and down stairs, and climbing in and out of the van a million times a day...it is working wonders for my weight loss.  Plus, I have become addicted to salads, and that seems to be all I am eating these days.  There is this one Italian/Greek place that my best friend and I love, and their salads come with kalamata olives, which are delicious!

If I disappear again for a week or so, don't worry.  I will be back eventually.  There are just more important things going on in my life right now besides blogging....

Look What I Got!!!!!

 

Thanks to the generosity of my dad and his wife, this is mine.  All mine.  Isn't it beautiful? It's a 97 Mercury Sable.   If it wasn't raining this morning I would have taken better pictures, but I just had to share.  I am so excited!  I love driving it, and the kids think it's awesome that they can say, hey mom, let's run to the store, and off we go.  I can not tell you how much I am loving my new found independence.  I keep saying I feel like a teenager again, and in a lot of ways I do.  I am having all of these new experiences, and I love it.  Yesterday, I had two different people (who I haven't seen since the split) tell me how happy I look.  In fact, one friend who didn't even know about the split said I was glowing, and then she was really dumbfounded when I told her the reason why.  I don't know why some people are finding it hard to believe that I am happier than I have been in a long, long time.  

Now, if I could just find a job, things would be perfect.

The Story Of How A Homeless Man Touched My Heart Today

I never give money to the homeless people who stand, with signs, on the freeway off ramps.  I have seen too many news stories about regular people who do this, making more money in one day than my hard working husband makes in an entire week.  I can not tell the difference between the men who really are homeless and the "pretenders", so I just keep my money.

When we moved into this house almost a year ago, I noticed a man who walked by our neighborhood several times a day, most of the time pushing a bike.  (I have no idea why he doesn't ride it)  I would also notice him several miles away, pushing his bike through the town where my kids go to school.  There is no telling how many miles this man walks everyday, rain or shine.  I notice him every day while waiting for Brandi's bus in the afternoon.

Today it was time to deliver the gifts I had bought for close friends.  I don't do adult gifts, but I always bring along a tub or tin of cookies for everyone to share.  I had a couple of cookie tubs in the car today when we got stuck in traffic.  Up ahead, I could see the homeless guy waiting patiently to cross the street at a red light.  I don't know what came over me, but I turned to Junior and told him that I wanted to give the guy a tub of cookies.  Of course, Junior agreed with me, and as soon as we got through the light, we pulled into the nearest parking lot, and I got out of the van to talk to the homeless guy.

I told him that I see him walk past my house every day, and I wanted to give him some cookies.  He looked at me kind of funny at first, so I told him that I had made them, and I really wanted him to have them.  He took them, but really wouldn't make eye contact with me.  I told him that I wanted him to have a Merry Christmas, and he finally looked at me, and very quietly said Thank You.  And smiled a little.  I could see the joy in his eyes as he opened the tub and saw all the goodies inside.

As I walked away, I once again wished him a Merry Christmas.  When I got back into the van, I was happy...happy that I made his day just a little bit brighter.  We went to the grocery store in that parking lot, and the kids watched as he stood there, on the side of a busy highway, and ate his cookies.  I doubt he ate them all...there was a lot in there...which makes me even happier, knowing he has food for later.  If I had planned this, I would have given him a soda or something, too, but by the time we came out of the grocery store, he was gone.

Brandi asked me why I gave him cookies, and I told her that some people, like him, may not get a meal on Christmas, let alone a treat.  I explained that while we may not have a lot, we have more than some people, and that it's nice to share when we can.  She said we should have bought him a sub at Subway!   I told her that maybe next time, we would.

I can not even put into words how full my heart is right now.  I am so glad that we made a difference to someone today, and that I was able to show my kids how good it feels to give. 

I am so blessed.

Oh, My Aching Feet!

I have a terrible time with dry skin in the winter. I blame the heat in the house. I usually get flaky skin on my legs, and an even more embarrassing place; my face. This winter, though, has been pretty mild. We haven't had the heat turned up too high, and my face has been okay. My legs have been dry, but I have been managing with a moisturizing lotion. I did have a new trouble spot show up, and that is my feet.

I can not tell you the last time I put on a pair of socks. I'm serious. I usually wear either my fur lined crocs or flip flops. This leaves my feet vulnerable to the weather, and my heels are paying the price. They are literally cracked and brittle, and they hurt so bad some days. On a good day, I can get one of the girls to rub lotion into them, but it usually costs me something. I believe soaking them would help, but I can not stand to be in the tub for that long. I know, that's hard to believe since all I ever complained about before the move was not being able to take a bath. I guess I just got too used to showering.

I think the perfect solution would be finding some type of foot spa that I can use while sitting here at the computer, or while watching television. I found this BioEnergiser, and it sounds wonderful! Not only with it soften my heels, the "Bio-energy science goes to work on them with this remarkable BioEnergiser detox foot bath, extracting toxins that build up in your body and leaving you feeling renewed and rebalanced with more physical and mental energy." It uses sea salt, and I have heard that salt is wonderful for the healing process.

The great thing about this is that it will fit right under my desk, so I can soak while I work. It is these little perks that make me grateful that I can work from home, because I am pretty sure you can not soak your feet at a nine to five job.

My Bedroom

Okay, so I promised pictures, so this is a start. My bedroom. As you can see, I have much more room, because in the apartment, I didn't even have a bedroom. For now, my bed is sitting on the floor, because the rails are metal, and I am afraid they will scratch the floor. I wish you could see the "fake" wood floors. They are all through the house. I am standing in the doorway, and to the right is the bathroom, which has the most amazing tub. But, those pictures will have to wait, because this is the only room made up enough for showing. Notice Princess (the hamster) is in my room, because the girls room is still a mess of boxes that need to be unpacked. I will try and get some more pictures up tomorrow, but no promises. I am having guests over tomorrow night, and I want things perfect, which means more unpacking and organizing.

Wish me luck!