Life.

Change.  It's a part of life, and something that I am dealing with every day lately.  I finally broke down and let my landlord know that I will be moving out, though I am not sure when.  He was very understanding, and said he would give me a good reference if I need him to. 

My new car is amazing.  I can not believe I waited so long to drive.  I can see now that I let fear keep me from doing a lot of things.  I am 39 years old, but I feel so much younger these days.  I am trying to do what is best for the kids and I, like checking out family insurance.  The kids are on medicaid, and hopefully they will stay on it.  The insurance quotes I looked at are beyond my financial means right now anyway.   Even cheap life insurance is too expensive when you have very little money coming in.

I broke down and decided to try and get a job at McDonald's.  I have almost 10 years experience with that company, so I am pretty sure I could get a job there.  I have to go online and fill out an application.  I know that if I go to the one I used to work at I would have a job in a second, but it's a pretty good drive from here, and with gas as high as it is, it wouldn't be worth it.

I guess for now, I am going to keep applying everywhere, and hopefully eventually I will find something.

Look What I Got!!!!!

 

Thanks to the generosity of my dad and his wife, this is mine.  All mine.  Isn't it beautiful? It's a 97 Mercury Sable.   If it wasn't raining this morning I would have taken better pictures, but I just had to share.  I am so excited!  I love driving it, and the kids think it's awesome that they can say, hey mom, let's run to the store, and off we go.  I can not tell you how much I am loving my new found independence.  I keep saying I feel like a teenager again, and in a lot of ways I do.  I am having all of these new experiences, and I love it.  Yesterday, I had two different people (who I haven't seen since the split) tell me how happy I look.  In fact, one friend who didn't even know about the split said I was glowing, and then she was really dumbfounded when I told her the reason why.  I don't know why some people are finding it hard to believe that I am happier than I have been in a long, long time.  

Now, if I could just find a job, things would be perfect.

Besides My Kids, The Next Best Thing To Make Me Happy Are:

 

That's right, elephants.  I went to the zoo today with my mom, sisters, niece and nephews, and it was great.  I laughed.  A lot.  I teared up once, thinking how I would never do that again with Bob and the kids again.  But I didn't cry.  In fact, I haven't cried at all today.  

I have made so many plans, but I can't blog about it.  I can't share things here, but I have been writing.  I've been writing a lot, actually.  My sister gave me a journal for Christmas, and at the time, I didn't see the point of it because I blog.  I write everything here.  But since Monday, I have filled about 15 pages...maybe more.  I'm not sure and I'm too lazy to get up and check.  Anyway, I find it extremely therapeutic to write down all that I am feeling.  I write when Brandi is upset.  I write after I talk to Bob.  I write when my head is spinning out of control when I think about all the things I need to do in the next few weeks, months, maybe even years.  I write about my hopes for my future and the things I am afraid of.  Mostly, though, I write about hope.  I have so much hope right now.  I know Bob is safe, and on his way to being happy.  That makes me happy.  I may not be in love with him anymore, but I do love him enough to want the best for him.  

I know I need to redo the header up there.  I also have to change up my food blog...I am no longer feeding a family of five.  I am back to dropping ecards...well, I did it yesterday and today.  Not sure I'll get to it tomorrow.  My sister is visiting from NY this week (boy, does she have great timing, right!) and I want to spent time with her before she goes back this weekend.  

I am still having a hard time controlling my newly acquired ADD...I can not focus on anything for more than a few minutes.  This constant need to stay busy has lead to several walks around my neighborhood and an extremely clean house. The walking has led to some serious weight loss...about 10 pounds so far this week, and my house can pass a white glove test.  That's a good thing, right?