So, I Removed My Ring

I didn't take it off, though.  I just moved it to my other hand.  My engagement ring, that is.  I took off my wedding ring. 

It was time.

Bob came over tonight, and spent time with the kids.  They really needed that time with him.  We also found time for us to talk.  In fact, we talked for hours.  About everything.  How things got to where they are right now, and how neither one of us want a future together anymore.  I want him to be happy.  I love him, and I am pretty sure I always will on some level.  I mean, without him, I wouldn't have my kids, and as you all know, they are my world.  All I have ever wanted was to be a mom, and I am lucky enough to be the mom of three amazing kids. 

It was hard on Brandi to see us get Bob's stuff together.  I knew it would be, but it was something that needed to be done.  He found somewhere to stay relatively close, so he will be able to see the kids regularly.  In fact, he is going to come by again tomorrow.

I know eventually I will find the strength to write about what happened.  Maybe when it's not so raw.  Know what I mean?  I am in such a better frame of mind today.  I spend a good part of the day on the computer and phone job hunting.  I really want to find something I can do on weekends for now close to my mom's house, that way when I move over there I will already have a job to work full time.  I must have called two dozen or more different places, and only three of them gave me even a glimmer of hope, and none of those would commit to the weekend thing.  They said I would have to discuss hours during an interview.  I am trying hard not to get discouraged. 

I also have plans to go next Friday and get my permit.  Yes, you read that right.  Gulp.  Big gulp.  The funny thing is, I am so excited to learn to drive.  I know my fear will still be there....but I am determined to get over it.  My next biggest obstacle is going to be actually buying myself a car.  I am not sure where that money will come from.  I don't want to wait until next year, but the way things are looking, I don't think I am going to have much choice.

Don't get me wrong...I did a lot of crying today.  Not as much as yesterday, and hopefully tomorrow, I will cry even less.  I just get very emotional having to tell people what is going on.  And trust me when I tell you my phone has rung more in the past two days than it has in the past two years.  I love that everyone is checking on me.  I feel so loved.  I don't remember who it was, but the other day someone said that they can only imagine how alone I am feeling.  I don't feel alone at all, though. 

I am sad that I am losing my best friend, and of all the things I miss, I miss having someone to talk to.  My family and friends have been awesome listeners, don't get me wrong.  I just miss having someone to talk to about the boring day to day stuff. 

Okay, I guess I have rambled enough for tonight,  I am exhausted, and want to get some decent sleep.

I think I'm ready for that.