Me? Oh, I've been great.
Yesterday marked three weeks since my husband left, and I am feeling good about the decisions I have been making for myself. I am still a little worried about how Brandi is handling things, but I also have faith that in time, she will be okay.
I have been busy, which is a nice change for me. I have been doing a lot of driving, and am thinking about taking my driving test in the next few weeks. I'm not going to say anything before, that way if I fail I won't feel too stupid. Today, while driving, I came upon my first license checkpoint. The policeman was so nice. I was impressed that I didn't get all nervous...I was actually laughing with the policeman. I am seriously amazed at my confidence these days.
I'm still swimming most mornings, and I love it. It's not only relaxing...it is also toning me up a bit. This morning we did almost 2 hours. Then we went and had lunch at one of those places where the chef cooks the food right at the table. I've never been to a restaurant like that before. In fact, I have been doing a lot of things I have never done before. It's nice to have friends who can afford to treat me nicely.
For the past 16 years, I have been nothing more than a wife and mother. For those 16 years, I didn't think I needed anything more. I am finding out these days that I also need to be a woman. My kids will always be the most important people in my life, but it's so nice to have adult conversations and hang out with people who expect nothing of me. I love doing what I want, and not having to answer to anyone. I was telling someone the other day that I almost feel like a teenager again, only this time, I am enjoying myself. When I was an actual teenager, I was miserable. These days, I am happy. Seriously happy. Sure, I have my moments where things seem completely overwhelming, but I am living my life one day at a time, and that seems to help.
I need to start packing up my house, but I can't. I feel like if I start, it makes all of this real. I don't want to leave this house...it's my home. Sure, it has some memories in it, but they are happy memories. The kids are looking forward to moving, because they can't deal with the memories. I am looking forward to living with my mom, but I wish I could afford my own place right now. I am craving independence. I know, it seems like I am talking in circles, and that is how I feel most days...like focusing on one thought is just too much. Keeping busy helps with that. Writing here helps a bit, but I find it hard to sit here at the computer. I need to be moving; doing something.
I had an interview last week, but I don't think anything will come of it. I need something that pays more than minimum wage, and until I have a car of my own, I don't really have reliable transportation. I feel like I am trying to do too much too fast, and I need to be taking baby steps. I need to let the kids finish this school year, get settled at my moms...but in the meantime, get a car and a job. I want to be working as soon as possible.
See...this post is exactly how my brain has been working lately. A jumbled up mess of confusion.
10 comments:
talking and thinking in circles is completely normal, well at least it's how i live my life. lol
i'm glad you are doing well and that things seem good for you. i'm glad you are trying new things and LIVING life for not only your children but for yourself as well, that is so important. you need to show your children, especially the girls, that it's okay to be a strong, independant, smart and attractive woman that does things for herself once in a while, even though her family means the world to her.. it's okay to put yourself first some times!! it really is.
xoxoxo <3
Been through the same thing, you can do it. The only thing that's important now is your kids and you...BE STRONG!
Well, let me tell you two things, Jenn: your post may seem a "jumbled up mess" to you, but I'm really amazed that it reads rather straight-forward, constructed, composed! And I'm really very glad about how positive you sound! As always, I send you my very best wishes!
I think you sound amazingly well put together- You're not talking in circles, you're just stream of conscious writing and it's easy to read. It's like we're all allowed into your head with you for a few minutes.
I'm glad you are feeling happy and excited most days. Your strength will strengthen your children. Especially Brandi- she will be watching you closely for cues how to behave and you're setting a great example for her on how to be independent and strong. :)
You sound Perfectly senseable to me!
I am SO proud of you!
hughugs
Sounds like you are doing great! I'm really happy that driving is going good for you. You are amazing.
Make sure you really study the drivers handbook. I thought I "knew everything" I mean how hard could the questions be? I was surprised how much I didn't know.
Once you get your license you can expand your job search. This morning I saw an ad during the morning news for city bus drivers and they pay them almost $13 an hour. (I'm in Norfolk, VA)
Hope Brandi is doing ok - I don't even know you but I can feel her sadness - it's a tough age to have to deal with divorce. It's probably a good thing you are moving in with your mom where she'll feel safe and secure.
I'm sorry to hear what happened, but look at the bright side, you've got wonderful kids. They can be very helpful for you, and they are there when you need them. That's the bottom line, please stay strong.
My best, Marc
I'm thinking of you, Jenn!
Lots of changes are afoot...but you really sound like you are heading in the right place, and you are such a strong woman, Jenn, truly.
I really enjoyed your blog post, i always got good, relevant and useful information from your new and unique posts, i m sure your blog will keep us continues update.merino outlast wool blanket Thanks for providing us such useful information.
Post a Comment