This Sucks Big Time

I have no internet.

Or phone.

Or cable.

We have a huge tree across our road, and it took our our cable.

Luckily we have not lost power.

Yet.

The line is down, so when they cut the tree down, I think we'll lose it while they fix it.

I have no idea when I will get back online.

I'm at my mom's now.

I can not even call Charter...all their lines are unavailable right now.

This sucks.

So don't worry about me (jenn) if I'm missing for a while.

I'll be back when I can.

Nothing Better To Do

"What do you do, spend all day sitting in front of the computer?".That was asked of me this morning, and the answer is no, I don't. I like to write on my blog. It takes maybe 15 minutes to post something, depending on how much I have to say. Yes, I started another page. I thought it would be fun to try out recipes, maybe eat healthier. Keep a sort of food journal of what my family likes and doesn't like to eat. Does this mean I do nothing else all day? Absolutely not. I clean, do laundry, help with homework, all the wife and mom stuff. I craft, I crochet, I woodwork, depending on my mood. Do I shop all day? No. Do I sleep all day? No. Do I question what you do all day? No. Just because I enjoy blogging and you don't, and can't find time to read anyway, don't bitch me out. I have issues with enough aspects of my life, I don't need to be given crap about this.Okay. I'm done venting. For now. Who knows how I'll feel in 5 minutes. And since I waste all day on the computer, I'll be back in 6 minutes to bitch some more....

Fat, Unattractive, and Lazy

This is how I'm feeling this morning. I woke up with one thought ~ loose weight, you heffer. I know, a little harsh, yet extremely true. I don't know why today is different from all those before, I've been fat my whole life. I've struggled to loose a few pounds, then put it all back on. I am the queen of yo-yo dieting. My fear now is every time I loose, I gain back more. So why try to loose when I know I will fail? I always fail. And it sucks! It sucks being the only fat person in the family. It's so easy for others to judge, but they don't know how I feel. They don't know that I hate being this way. Given the choice, would you choose to be obese? Having to worry every day wether or not you will be around to see your grandchildren. Or even to see your children grow into adults. You would think thoughts like that would motivate, yet they just depress. And I eat when I'm depressed. It's a vicious, vicious cycle, and today I am feeling like I need to do something about it. NOW. I spend my days doing nothing. I don't work, the kids are at school, and I have nothing to do. I need to find something to do. Something excersie-y. I know, how hard is it to go out and take a walk? When you weigh so much, it is hard. It hurts. But I need to. I know I do. And maybe I will. Maybe I will.NO! I DEFINATELY WIIL! NO MORE EXCUSES!NO MORE CHOCOLATE!Okay, there's no need to over-react. Chocolate in moderation is a good thing.I just need help with the moderation part!

What To Do, What To Do

Here is my dilemma. My kids are getting fat. Now, before you start yelling, I would NEVER tell them that. I grew up with parents who continuously told me I was fat and needed to lose weight. As a parent now, I can understand that they meant well, but I also know first hand how much it hurts. Anyway, I was going through clothes for school. Had each kid try on everything in their closets. Ryan has always been stocky, and only grew out of few pairs of pants. Brandi is still wearing some 4's., all the 5's fit, and a few of her 6's fit now too. I don't know what to do with Kasi. She outgrew almost everything. I'm talking outfits she got for her birthday that fit in May, don't fit at all. Most of her shirts don't fit anymore, and she can't button half of her pants. In 2 months, she has gained enough weight to not fit in anything. I don't want to make an issue out of it. She was in fitness club last year, and loved it. I think it might have been the 2 months of fast food that did it. We ate out almost everyday we were at the stand.I need to fix healthier meals at home now that the stand is closed.I need to set a better example by eating better myself.I need to let her know that it is okay to be who she is.Maybe she just had a growth spurt and I'm worrying about nothing. Even as I'm writing that I know it's a load of crap. I'm fat, Junior is overweight, and our kids are headed in the same direction. I don't want them to go through school, or life for that matter, as the fat kid. I know how cruel kids can be, and it sucks. Adults are just as bad sometimes. But that's not my point. My point is I'm worried my kids are heading down a difficult road, and I need to help them now, before it's too hard. I've struggled all my life. I know how difficult it is.So, any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.