Fat, Unattractive, and Lazy

This is how I'm feeling this morning. I woke up with one thought ~ loose weight, you heffer. I know, a little harsh, yet extremely true. I don't know why today is different from all those before, I've been fat my whole life. I've struggled to loose a few pounds, then put it all back on. I am the queen of yo-yo dieting. My fear now is every time I loose, I gain back more. So why try to loose when I know I will fail? I always fail. And it sucks! It sucks being the only fat person in the family. It's so easy for others to judge, but they don't know how I feel. They don't know that I hate being this way. Given the choice, would you choose to be obese? Having to worry every day wether or not you will be around to see your grandchildren. Or even to see your children grow into adults. You would think thoughts like that would motivate, yet they just depress. And I eat when I'm depressed. It's a vicious, vicious cycle, and today I am feeling like I need to do something about it. NOW. I spend my days doing nothing. I don't work, the kids are at school, and I have nothing to do. I need to find something to do. Something excersie-y. I know, how hard is it to go out and take a walk? When you weigh so much, it is hard. It hurts. But I need to. I know I do. And maybe I will. Maybe I will.NO! I DEFINATELY WIIL! NO MORE EXCUSES!NO MORE CHOCOLATE!Okay, there's no need to over-react. Chocolate in moderation is a good thing.I just need help with the moderation part!