Hold On...

Hello all. It's been a while since I have given you a rambling, senseless post, so hold on tight cause here it comes.

I have been thinking a lot about this blog, and what purpose it serves. Aside from the paid posting, and an occasional meme, I find it lacking. I use more filler posts, and have found myself not really "writing" on here. I put my pictures on a separate blog, and my crafts on another. I have my weight loss blog, but that is private, and also lacking lately. I find that when I made it private, I lost a lot of readers on that one. In fact, I think only missy and miss donna were reading it on a regular basis. Which leads me to something else I have been having trouble with.

I used to have a lot of loyal followers. Friends who commented on every post, every day. Now, don't get me wrong...I love you guys who still do this! I appreciate the heck out of you guys!!!! I just mean that at this time last year, I had a group of women who were like sisters to me. None of them are actively blogging anymore, and I miss them. I miss the daily interaction. I don't know how to find that again. The blogs I read now are great, but they are their own little communities. How do I make myself fit in with them? I don't know.

I am the queen of lurking. A lot of the blogs I read every day, I never comment on. I just don't feel like I am witty enough, or that my comment will be as good as the others. Does that even make sense? I want to find somewhere I fit in....

So tell me your secrets. How do you find new blogs to read, and in turn make new friends? Because isn't that what this whole blogging thing is about? Connecting with people who share our interests, our daily struggles and accomplishments? Making new friends along the way?

On a side note...there is no show funnier than The Big Bang these days...

Um...where was I? Okay. I knew when I started doing the paid posts that I would lose some readers. I used to hate reading blogs that did paid posting. I understand. If you hate the paid posts, just read every other post. I think that is what happened. My posts, my stories, got lost between the paid posts. Then I just stopped writing them. I need to write more, and write better. About me. About my family.

Wow. This post sounds a little whiny, and that was not my intention at all. I am just a little lost right now, and trying to find my way back to it. But back to where, I do not know. That's what I'm trying to figure out. I find myself spending more time on facebook these days. I know, there are a lot of you right there with me. That's not helping this blog either. And now with all the talk about entrecard changing next week. I'm not sure what to do about that, either.

Do you see a common problem here? I am just so unsure of a lot of things. I hate feeling this way. I am a creature of habit. I do not like for things to change, yet I feel a change is desperately needed around here. I have been debating becoming a dot com, but do I really want to do that with this blog? As stupid as this is going to sound, I miss enjoying the ride. I wish I could go back. I wish I had never let certain people run me away from who I was. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I am just unhappy with the whole concept of this blog. Maybe things have gotten too complicated. I want things simple again.

I would not trade the last year for anything. A lot of changes happened to our little family in the last 18 months. All good things, but changes none the less. Junior and I both had surgery last year...can you believe it's been almost nine months since I had my boobs done?...and then we moved. The kids lost a lot of family...3 grandfathers, two grandmothers, aunts, uncles and cousins. It's been hard. I haven't talked about it much on here, because I wanted to keep this blog upbeat. Which means I probably won't talk about it again. If you really want to know the whole scoop, let me know. I'll give you access to my private blog and you can go read my entries from the past year. It might give you a better idea of who I am, and who I want to be.

That's pretty funny, that at 37 I am still unsure of who I want to be. I know I want to be skinny, lol, but we all know that will never happen. I'll settle for healthier. I've always wanted to be a mom, and I rock at that, if I do say so myself. But I'm not sure who I want to be. I'm the wife, and the mother, but I think the woman has gotten lost somewhere along the way. Make sense?

I bet at this point, if you've even made it this far, you're wondering what brought all of this on. To be honest, I'm not too sure. Maybe it was seeing my number of followers increasing, but the number of commenter's decreasing. Maybe it was realizing that it only takes me about thirty minutes to visit the blogs I love each day, and I feel like I need to put more of an effort into visiting others if I want others to visit me.

So I will leave you with this...

Let me know you're here. Even if my writing sucks, just say hi. Tell me to step it up a little.

If you lurk on my blog, speak up! I will come visit you, too. I know this is a give and take, and I am ready to give more. I want to be a better blogger, and a better friend.

Help me get there.

Please.