So, Brandi got off the bus today in tears. She looked at me and said she was never, ever going back to that school ever again! Those were her exact words. I asked her why not...
Remember my last post, about the girls who don't want to be her friend because she was friends with Lessa? Well, there is one girl, who I will call Mean, that is the ring leader. She was friendly with Brandi the first few days, and then stopped talking to her, because she is friends with Lessa. Brandi wants very badly to be Mean's friend, because she sits next to her in class. Mean is also on her bus.
For the past two weeks, Mean has been ignoring Brandi. When Brandi asks why, she says it's because her head hurts, and she doesn't want to talk. Okay, whatever. Then a few days ago, Brandi asked Mean to sit with her and Kasi on the bus, and she agreed. They are fine in the mornings on the bus, but as soon as they get to school, Mean ignores Brandi. Even at recess, if Brandi tries to play with her, Mean runs away from her.
Today was apparently the last straw for Brandi. Right before recess, Brandi asked Mean to write her phone number in her agenda. She said okay, and asked Brandi to write hers in her agenda. When Brandi was finished, mean took it and scribbled out the number.
OOOhhhhh, my mommy blood was boiling at this point in the story, because this little girl is causing my baby to be so upset. Brandi was sobbing as she told me this.
So, I told Brandi that Mean was a crap head little sh*t. Okay, I didn't really say that, but I sure was thinking it. What I told Brandi was that Mean didn't sound like a very nice person, and I asked her if she really wanted to be friends with someone who was so mean. She said no, so I told her to concentrate on the girls who like her for who she is, and are already her friends, and to ignore Mean. I told her not to sit with her on the bus, and if she tries to talk to her, for Brandi to tell her that she won't talk to her because she doesn't want to be her friend. Why should my child keep getting her feelings hurt?
Brandi also asked me to email her teacher, and ask if her seat could be moved away from Mean. I told her to really think about it, because if I did write the email, she would probably be moved away from Lessa, too. (she sits on Brandi's other side). After a while, Brandi decided that it was okay if she was...she just wants to get away from Mean that bad. So I sent the email, but haven't heard anything yet. I probably won't until Monday.
How do kids learn to be so mean? I don't know how much more I can handle of this. It is so hard not to cry myself when I see Brandi so upset, but I know it would only make things worse for her. She is so tenderhearted. I wish there was a way I could make all of this better.
Any ideas?
9 comments:
Oh my! My heart goes out to Brandi and to you. It is so hard to counsel them at this age. Even harder to maintain objective. I have been there and can only recommend this. You should make the teacher aware of the situation only to have some-kind of documentation. Ultimately, it would be great for you to personally talk to MEAN girls Mom or Dad. The root of it comes from the home. Perhaps reaching out to the parents will solve this.
As a Mom, I send Hugs :)
Well I agree with Laura to a point, talking to the parents may or may not work. You are hoping that you are talking to someone who thinks like you and that this behavior is ugly, when they could in fact be a grown up version of Miss Mean.
It could help but it could make it worse! Now if people put their hands on her, thats a whole different matter!
Just keep doing what your doing with Brandi, continue to teach her to love those people that the group shuns, that she might find some great friends in those people.
Mean and people like mean, you can't fix it, just teach Brandi to deal with stupidity by ignoring and refocus on others.
Your doing a great job with her (and Ryan and Kasi) don't worry about how your handling it.
Some days you may just want to call it a holiday and eat ice cream for dinner and watch her fav movie if Mean stirs up trouble.
WE LOVE BRANDI!! Tell her we said HI!!!
Mean's parents were at the program the other night, and they don't speak English. Mean was translating for them, so speaking to them is pretty much out of the question. I just hope that on Monday, the teacher will separate them, and things will be easier for Brandi.
it happened to my son too..i just talked the mean boy in a nice way and i asked why he was not friendly anymore to my son...well he explained to me and now, they are best friends again.
I wish Brandi can find a true friend.
My opinion is that it's about control. Seems to me that Mean likes to have it and wants to take it away from others.
I think you did right by asking Brandi why she wants to be friends with someone who is rude to her and suggesting she focus her energies on the girlfriends she already has.
Ignoring Mean puts BRANDI in control of the situation. Once Mean realizes she can no longer get under Brandi's skin, it may just be enough of a jolt to make her come around and see what a jerk she was being. That'll leave HER having to come back to Brandi to ask if they can be friends.
Girls can be really really rotten to each other. I think that might be why I only have a small handful of really close girlfriends as an adult! Things get catty SO easily!
I don't know why Brandi wants Mean as a friend so bad. Just keep telling Brandi that what comes around, goes around. Mean will get hers someday!
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That's such a hard thing! There's only so much the school can do, especially if it's verbal and the little girl isn't doing this in front of adults. But, the teacher needs to know.
Poor Brandi. My heart aches for her. I think this is the hardest thing about being a mommy, watching our kids hurt or feel disappointment.
Where does a kid that age learn to be so mean? Parents? Brothers or Sisters? Other classmates? In all this, I almost feel sorry for Mean, too. How could she know what she's doing? Someone had to demonstrate this meanness. Kids aren't born mean like that. Someone has done her a disservice in life.
Hopefully, Brandi can keep her chin up and not give this little girl so much power in her life. Aren't you proud that Brandi is so sweet and friendly? She seems like she'd be such a fun friend!
Jenn dearest heart I feel so much for you and Brandi. Brandi is getting her first taste of adult politics. this is a time to explain to her that not everybody has good sense - literally. and with that said, maybe she should start to pay attention by watching but not saying anything when the mean kid does things.
if she sees enough of the mean kids faults, she will no doubt be able to seperate meaness from stupidity; and be done with it. it will also help to elevate her thinking to reach higher.
tell her that Kids who fight do it because They Can't Reason. logic is key to situations like this. the mean kid is no doubt a young masochist and budding sociopath. it's important to point out to your daughter that no one is above anyone else; and that we are only as GROWN UP as We Behave.
if she wants to trump the other girl, tell her to model the behaviour of her teacher. Then when the girl acts stupid - tell the teacher and let the teacher take appropriate action since it will be clear who is the aggressor.
Jenn I know you already know, aggression in young children is linked to bad home training and later criminal behaviour. sorry to tell you that, but I'm sure you already know.
tell her that her Auntee RE said "If Common Sense Was Common - Everybody Would Have It".
Nuff Said
My friend and I were talking the other day about this very thing. Unfortunately these days it seems that the parents are just as bad if not worse than the kids and thus they almost encourage the meanness to happen more. I would encourage you to talk to the counselor over the principal, because sometimes they seem to get more done, if that is what Brandi is ready for!
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