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She's Getting So Big!

Just wanted to update with a picture of Harper. She's growing like a weed and as cute as a button!

My Noodle

I've been way to busy to blog, but figured I would share a picture of my little noodle butt. I can not believe she is five months old! Time is going by so fast, but I am enjoying every second1

Life....It's Been CRAZY!

Here is my sweet little pumpkin, who I lovingly call Punk. She is already 11 weeks old! I can not believe it. Time has really gone by quickly!

I know it has been a while since my last post, and I blame the craziness that is my life. If you are my friend on facebook, you already know that three weeks after Harper was born, I was readmitted into the hospital with a staph infection, which they only discovered after my incision busted open standing in my mother's kitchen. Let me back u a bit.

About two weeks after Harper's birth, I started running a fever. I went in to see the doctor who did my section, and he said I had a virus. I asked him about a ball that had developed in my belly, and he said it was just swelling and scar tissue. He said that if I had an infection, my belly would be red and hot. It was neither. He said the virus would run it's course and sent me on my way.

 The next day I went back to the doctor, because I KNEW that something else was going on. The doctor who did my section wasn't there that day, so I saw another one. He did an internal, and said he felt something, but thought it was my bladder, so he diagnosed me with a bladder infection and prescribed antibiotics. This was a Thursday. I was still running a fever the next few days, and I just didn't feel right. I was staying at my mom's house, and Friday night she tucked me into her bed and she stayed on the couch, waking with the baby through the night. Let me just say right here that I have no idea what I would have done without her!

I got up Saturday morning, and was standing at my mom's sink cleaning bottles. I felt something drip on my foot, and thought it was water from the sink. Then I felt something running down my leg, and realized that it wasn't water at all, but nasty, white, gross yuckiness. I yelled to my mom who was in he other room that she needed to take me to the hospital. I will never forget the look on her face when she walked into the kitchen and realized that part of my incision had opened, and it was the infection that was running down my legs. She grabbed a towel, put it across my incision, and laid me on her bed. Then she called 911. My first ever ambulance ride was interesting, and I was quickly admitted to the hospital.

I can honestly say that I thought I had never been in so much pain in my entire life, and it was a true blessing when the nurses added morphine to my IV. When all was said and done, my incision was packed (it had to be left open because of the infection) and I was allowed to go home the next day after my mom convinced the doctor that she could do wound care because she is an RN. Unfortunately, I only thought I knew was pain was until my mom had to pull the dressing from my wound and repack it. I wouldn't let her touch it until I was medicated, and percocet did the job nicely. Now, if you know me at all, you know I don't eve like taking tylenol, but I had to take the pain meds in order for my incision to be cared for. There was a home health nurse who came out to check on me, too, and she had to check my blood pressure. The first time she came I had taken a percocet, and my blood pressure was so low she asked me if I was breathing! lol!

I was told at the hospital that it could take me months to fully heal, but after lots of prayers from family and friends (and lots of IV antibiotics and orals ones at home), I was completely healed and back to work within three weeks.

The Pastor from my mom's church came to visit me wile I was in the hospital, and he really got to me. I have been going to church regularly for the past month or so. It's weird, but I really feel like that is where I need to be right now, focusing on myself and my children. In fact, last weekend, Brandi stood in front of the entire church and was saved. It was wonderful! I was, and still am, so proud of her.

There is so much more I can say about life with Harper, but I think this post is long enough. I can't say that I will be posting regularly, because as a single mom of four, life is crazy!

So, I Had A Baby

I can not believe it has been two weeks since Harper made her grand entrance into this world.  My c-section went well, and Harper was 18 1/2 inches long and weighed 7 pounds, 10 ounces. (Which was exactly what Kasi weighed when  she was born) I was surprised that she was little, since I was so big, but I guess it was all that extra fluid.

I promised Brandi that she could be the first to hold Harper, so when I made it out of recovery and into my room, I was anxious for them to bring the baby to me. I wanted the kids to meet her. I got to kiss her sweet face before they took her out of the OR, but I wanted to hold her too. I had a room full of family and friends, and was terrified when the nurse came in to tell me that my baby was in the NICU. She didn't have details, and said the doctors were working on her, and that when the baby was stable someone would come talk to me. Now, I haven't heard from Harper's daddy since the end of February. so I was thankful for all the support I had from my family and friends at that moment. I had the nurses give my mom the other bracelet for the baby, so I think she went to the NICU to find out what was going on. I say I think because I don't really remember. I just know that she explained to me later on the Harper had inhaled some fluid, and since she had a bowel movement inside me, the fluid could cause an infection in her lungs. She was having a hard time keeping her oxygen levels up, so she had to be on oxygen. They finally allowed everyone to go back and see her, one at a time, with my mom. I couldn't go, though, because of the spinal. It killed me that everyone got to see my baby before me, but I was glad that she was, and is, loved so much!

I was finally allowed to go see her around 9 that night, and when I saw my sweet baby with the oxygen and iv, I kinda lost it. She looked so pitiful! Everyone who had been back to see her up until then had only been allowed to touch her, so I assumed that I would only get to touch her as well.  When the nurse came over and asked if I wanted to hold her, I was thrilled. There is nothing like that first moment when you get to hold your baby. I held her for a long time. In fact, I didn't want to let her go! But, she needed to get back on her oxygen, so I reluctantly said goodnight and was wheeled back to my room.

As soon as I was allowed that next day, I walked to the NICU with my mom. They let me hold her again, and I am pretty sure I sat there in that rocking chair for several hours, as family and friends took turns coming in to sit with me. I wouldn't let anyone else hold her, because I promised Brandi she would be the first, and they wouldn't let her in the NICU. After going almost 24 hours without eating, my little love bug was happy to eat from a bottle. (for those who don't remember, I can not breastfeed due to my breast reduction, which kills me because I did that for my other 3 and would have loved to do the same for Harper) The nurse let me feed her the next bottle, and I enjoyed every second of that. I knew once she was able to come to my room, everyone else would want to feed her, which is exactly what happened.

I think it was late Saturday evening when they let the baby spend a few hours in my room with me.  She needed frequent trips to the NICU for her antibiotics and blood work, but she was doing well off the oxygen, so they promised she could spend most of the day with me in my room on Sunday. I was able to keep my promise and let Brandi be the first to hold her, and I am not sure when this picture was taken, but it is my favorite. Brandi has climbed into bed with me as I was feeding Harper.

Ryan, Kasi, and Brandi are great with the baby, and they love her to pieces.  I have had a hard recovery, but I'll save that story for another day. It took Harper 2 weeks to get back up to her birth weight, and we have to go back to the pediatrician on Thursday, because they don't think she is gaining weight fast enough. I don't see how she sin't, because she eats like a little piggie!

I was seriously worried that I would not be accepting of Harper, because as you all know, she was one big surprise. I never planned on having another child.  I never dreamed that I would have to do it alone. Being a single mom of three is hard, and adding a newborn seemed overwhelming. I don't know what was wrong with me. When they finally put that baby in my arms, I knew that she was meant to be there. I am sure God has big plans for this little lady, and I am so thankful that I get to be her mommy!

I haven't been home yet. I left the hospital and come to stay at my mom's house for a few days while I recovered from my c-section.  That was 2 weeks ago, and I am still here.  It has been wonderful having someone help with the baby, and take care of me. I may be 41, but I am enjoying all this time with my mom, and I know she is loving the time she gets to spend with Harper. I plan on going home tomorrow, since the doctor cleared me to drive today. I will be seeing a lot of my mom though, not only because she is still caring for my incision (which refuses to heal...damn diabetes!) but also because I have a feeling she is going to miss having the baby around 24 hours a day.

Here I Am!

33 weeks. Can you believe it? I only have 6 weeks to go until my scheduled c-section on July 12th.  In my mind, I know I am am pregnant. I can feel her moving more and I am having weekly ultrasounds due to my age and high fluid. That said, it still gives me a panic attack when I think about them handing me this baby in a few weeks.  A baby that I am responsible for, all on my own. A baby that I never knew I wanted, but would do anything for.  A baby that I have to take home an care for. I mean, holy crap people. I am too old for this!

I plan on working right up until she arrives, and so far, I am doing pretty well. I am not swelling often, and when I do, it is usually only my left ankle and foot that swells.  Weird, I know.

For now, I am continuing to prepare for Little Miss Harper. I know these next 6 weeks will fly by.

Bigger And Bigger!

So here I am, in all my misery. Aren't I just glowing? I am now 29 weeks, 3 days preggers, and I am miserable.  I am tired all the time! My blood sugars are great one day, and screwed up the next, even though I eat the same exact things almost every day. Everyone tells me all my weight is in my belly, and boy do I believe it! I can no longer bend over, and forget about tying my shoes. Brandi has to buckle my sandals for me every morning.

I am getting nervous about Harper coming.  I am confident that I can do this on my own. I mean, what choice do I have? I haven't heard from her daddy in months, and I don't expect to any time soon.  But being confident doesn't mean it's going to be easy. In fact. it's not going to be easy at all.  I have a lot of support from my family and friends, but when it comes down to it, I am the one who will have to do every night feeding and change all those dirty diapers, and still work a full time job.  I get overwhelmed just thinking about it.

But, I know she is worth it.