Why Being Super Fat Sucked ~ Part One

Before ~ 2010

Now ~ 2012

I have been hesitant to write for a while now, because I don't want anything I say to be used against me by certain people in the future, and let's face it, I know they are reading for simply that reason.  So I was thinking today, while working, that I needed to find something to write about because this blog is kind of stagnant these days.

Then suddenly, it hit me.  I don't know why or how, but I got to thinking about all of the things I can do now that I am simply fat, and no longer super fat.  For those of you unfamiliar with my story, I'll do a little recap.

I had a breast reduction four years ago.  At that time, I weighed close to three hundred pounds.  That's right.  Almost THREE HUNDRED POUNDS! Now, I am only about five feet tall, so picture that.  Not a pretty site, to say the least.  The doctors removed fifteen pounds of breast tissue, and the first time I saw myself in the mirror after that, I was horrified.  People who didn't know me probably thought I was about ten months pregnant, and those who did know me, man, I don't even want to know what they thought of me.

I was always heavy, though it was only after three kids that my weight got completely out of control.  At the time, I thought I was happy.  Looking back now, I can see how unhappy I really was.  Food was (and still is to some degree) a comfort for me.  I ate when I was happy.  I ate when I was sad.  I ate when I was bored. Truth be told, I ate all the time.  My husband was overweight, and didn't mind that I was, too.

Every now and then I would go on a diet and lose a little bit of weight, but it always found it's way back, bringing with it even more weight.  When my husband walked out on me last year, I was determined to finally do something about my weight.  At first, the weight came off easily.  I'm not sure if it was my fear of what my future held, or worrying about how I was going to support myself and the kids, or the wii fit I started doing to fill the empty hours when I felt so alone that contributed to the weight loss.  Whatever it was, I was losing weight, and I began to feel good.

Today, seventeen months later, I have lost just about one hundred pounds.  I still have more weight to lose.  I'll be happy once I get these last fifty pounds or so gone.  Never before have I been able to maintain a weight loss, so even though I haven't lost any weight in the last month and a half, I am okay with it.  I have realized that weight loss is an ongoing process, and I have to work at it.  I joined Curves a few months ago, and even though I haven't been in a while, I plan on getting back to it once the craziness of summer is over.  It's been hard getting there after work every day, because by the time I get home from work, I am sweaty from being in the van all day, and I would rather go swimming than workout.  To be honest, I haven't been swimming in two weeks either.  Man, writing this has made me realize that all I have are excuses for not going, and I need to change that.

Anyway, I am now under two hundred pounds, which has been a goal of mine for many years.  Many unhappy years.  So, I decided to write up some posts about all the things that I couldn't do when I was at my heaviest, and then I'll write some about all the things I can do now that I am on my way to where I want to be.  I'm hoping to post every couple of days, but we'll see. I am so busy these days....which is crazy for me to fathom some days, since I never used to like even leaving the house.  Unless it was for food.

Man, I love food.